Getting to 30

Into my 20s, still can't sleep, the ghosts, is there a ghost in my house, dam right there is, so, now, what do we do to make the ghost go away, the ghost that haunted me, well anything i can, to stop the dreams, kill the ghosts, too many years trying to kill those ghosts, too many 4 am wake ups, sweat, hot flushes, why me, can't make plans, i was a broken shell, had a hard time baring up, turning up, doing work, is there a place on earth i can find peace, want to, wanted to, need to, a little piece of England to call mine, somewhere no one can get in, my place, my space.

Play my music, do my thing, somewhere to feel a little less helpless, somewhere special, to take my mind to places that are less than helpless, time after time tried to find, but always felt so helpless, someplace special, but where, hate to say but i found it, and it made me more helpless ok, it was great for a time, took me away, far away, but then i had to come down, if only i had had a fortune teller i could have saved myself 10 years and a nervous breakdown, o for a crystal ball, but hee hoo, can't regret, don't regret, lifes about making mistakes, sometimes it don't make sense, kept it all inside, my mistake, getting high was my thing, helped me forget, helped stop remembering, seemed like a good idea at the time, wanted time to pass, changes i made plenty, S**t happens, life was changing, not for the better, but couldn't get any worse.

Then the morning after, moon goes, sun comes up, another day, used to be able to cope, used to think invincibilty, but that was just an illusion, used to chuckle, now its too late, can't do it anymore, climbing the highs, sinking into the lows, can't let you beet me though, used to laugh about it, been listening to too much Neil Young, man Neil, if there was a god he manifested himself in Mr Young, is it too late, would yo miss me, would i miss you, yes, i know the answer but its getting buried, jumbled,mind was racing,

So Jumped on train, 1998, broke down, me not the train, felt like laughing, felt like crying, didn't get far, did anyone miss me, they did all merry hell broke loose, glad they didn't call the cops, just got back in time, i was sure no one would miss me. Trying to hold on, spiralling out of control, couldn't see it, Dr could, valium, yes thats the answer, then on an extremely lonely drive, lonliness coursing through veins, lonely, 6 months, couldn't do any more, couldn't confront demons, made excuses, excuses, valium coursing through my veins,

Now where's that ghost gone, can't seem to remember much about it, how long did it take to come, to go, needed to get of that valium s%%t, man doing me no good, cold turkey, yes thats the best way to go, 140 mgs to nothing, how sensible was that, i could barely function, couldn't cope with or without, i was only 28 though, no sweat, i was young i could take it, didn't matter how long, Boy it did, ying ang yang, play by the sword, dance with devil, got to be some pay back, can't get away scott free, had so many questions, couldn't answer half them, felt like i was drowning, can't do the crime, don't do the time, questions, crawling, everywhere, couldn't feel, couldn't see, felt like a train crash, plane crash, then all of a sudden i'm 30

and the questions keep coming, too many, too few, not enough, overload, circuits breaking, got to keep both feet on the ground, you'll get by son, stop the questions, too many questions, got to make it through, find the other side, yes, next goal, you made 30 son s**t, well done, it could have been more tragic, ok you been burned, got burned, but your still travelling, alive, got back to the other side, not hard, your near. Get your heart back son, ok, you can't look in the mirror, but at least you can find shade

so that was me hitting 30